Mammy

Today I experienced my first Mammogram. I think of it as a Rite of Passage day in my life. Sweet 16. Right to vote at 18. Beverages at 21. Lower insurance and rent a car at 25. At 40...mammogram! You know…all the big days! I am exhausted due to lack of sleep last night. Too much wine and I don’t sleep well. My brain won’t turn off and I don’t sleep well. The two of them together. Not good.

On my way I am struck by the notion that one of the things I was perseverating on all night long was not forgetting coffee in the morning. It would be such a night ride to my first mammogram with a Cup of Joe in hand with French Vanilla Creamer. I forgot to even make the coffee. Lovely.

When I get to the office, the check in lady seems a little off. She is on the phone and then is off and says she will be with me in just a minute; she is in the middle of something she must finish. I am totally cool with that. What person doesn’t have that and the gal is perfectly polite about it. Then she gets up and leaves. Another gal sticks her head around the counter and says, “Did she help you?” “Nope.” I am quickly ushered over to the check in area and within a minute, I am all set. Profuse apologies ensue about not getting to me quicker. I am kind of humored, because quite frankly, I am just fine.

Quickly, my name is called and I am led into a room that distinctly reminds me of a spa waiting room. Lockers for personals, a pretty pink and white robe to go on top. Then a delightful light turquoise room with a beautiful couch and chairs and nice foot rests. I notice the sign that reminds us ladies that women come to the Breast Center for all types of tests, so if someone who comes to the waiting room after you, gets called first, it is okay. No one will be left behind. I figure that is the polite way to say, “Hold your britches and wait your turn.” So I sit and wait.

After a bit, a technician comes into the room and says my name. Both myself and the only other woman in the room answer:

“I am Melinda, are you Melinda too?”

“I am, are you?”

“I am.”

We give the gal both our last names and she takes back the other Melinda after we do proper introductions. What are the chances? So funny. Life is like that, gives you a little humor when you need it.

The room then begins to fill up and other women are called back, before me. I, of course, don’t even let it phase me, because I read the sign and it says not to worry. So, of course, I don’t worry. By chance, the woman who checked me in comes in and looks at me.

“You haven’t been called back yet?”

“Nope.”

“Let me look into that.”

All of a sudden she comes out and apologizes profusely again. My tech then comes to get me and explains that the computer system is having troubles today and I didn’t go through. No biggie, I am not in a hurry and all is good. But no, the poor mammographer is just beside herself that I had to wait. She tries to put me in the computer, but I won’t go, so she just says let’s do the exam and worry about the paper work later. Okay, I am cool with that too.

Having another person touch my breasts is a little weird. Okay, a lot weird. The tech is gentle and acts like those suckers will break if she moves them too much. I am just thinking that this is a little undignified of a test. I am bothered by it more than my pap. I find it is uncomfortable, but doesn’t really hurt. It is quick, but again, weird. I get the spiel about if I get a call back it is not a big deal and does not necessarily mean cancer. They just want to look a little closer that is all. Whatever lady, if you call me back in, I will be freaked. You have been forewarned.

The funny thing is that I am not worried about the mammogram or the impending results. I don’t really worry that they computers are down and I had to wait. I am over my weirdness about having someone touch, but not fondle my breast. More than ANYTHING else about this could be life-altering test of prevention…I didn’t get to put on deodorant and lotion. I am totally obsessing about it. My hands look like a lizard. I need a mani. Do I smell? Yeah, life altering, Rite of Passage I tell ya.