In mid-December we got a rather large box, marked from Kansas. Inside were gifts for my children and gifts for me. My son had a hilarious fit wanting to open a gift and so he had to call Steve and ask. He conceded and the boy did a happy dance. He got a very cool Nike Mariner's sweatshirt and a remote controlled car and the girl received a nail set-which glittered my bathroom to the hilt-and a very cute cupcake apron. Both were elated.
A beautifully wrapped basket came for me. Sunflowers -I love the irony of Kansas being the sunflower state, me loving sunflowers and people in Kansas loving me! It is just too cool.-adorned the beautiful yellow ribbon and inside. It was a sight to see. I waited to open mine mostly because I was nervous and I think part of me really did not believe that this basket could actually be for ME. Finally, I couldn't stand it and inside was a wonderful assortment of Kansas paraphenelia. Towels adorning the phrase, "Somebody in Kansas loves Me", a Kansas survival kit and several little sunflower notepads. What a treasure and a sign of Kansas times to come. Also were three other gifts that were wrapped for Christmas day. I happily put them under the tree feeling so spoiled by people who barely knew me, but were easily figuring me out.
Mom and Dad came for Christmas. Shortly before they came it occurred to me that I may need to figure out how to navigate my mother's feelings and my feelings about this upcoming holiday and my communication with Steve and Diane. I certainly wasn't going to rub my budding and growing relationship with their family in my mother's face. I didn't want to hurt her, but I wasn't willing to hide it either. So in great Melinda fashion, I hit it straight on. While getting ready with Mom one morning I told her there were gifts for me and the children under the tree from Steve and Diane. Was she going to be okay with that? Mom responded saying she may cry. That was it. "I will open them privately with the kids then." "NO! They won't know, I always cry." "They will know and I won't have them seeing your issues." That was the end of that conversation. I knew we weren't finished however. It is funny how I always know, this is just one of many conversations that will likely occur. The next day getting ready this came out "I get you Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter and all holidays." I am thinking, "Like you really get me now Mom." Instead, "Well Mom, we'll just have to see. I will not promise you anything." I don't know what the future holds and from past experience I do know to never say never. It always bites you in the butt. I have the experience to prove that one.
Christmas morning came and Christmas morning went. Mom didn't cry, she just said, "Was that them?" when I went upstairs to talk to Steve and Diane on the phone. She did very well when Matt called them later in front of everyone to say thank you for his gift. I did well too. My inside voice that sometimes escapes, stayed inside and we all made it no scars induced.
Grateful for that.
