Book Hangover: Inability to start a new book because you are still living in the last book's world.
I've been kicking around this post for some time and after I saw and pinned this from, of course, Pintrest, I knew I could start writing.
Do you ever read a book and think..."Hey, that is my life!" Well, this just happened to me. Yesterday I finished the book, A Family Affair, by Mary Campisi. I think I liked it because I sure lost enough sleep voraciously reading it til way past my bed time. The funny thing is, I had no idea I would like it. It was just a free book on my iPhone and so I downloaded it. This time, I could judge the book by its cover.
Now the whole of this book did not resemble my life, but one part of the story line hit me in the head, or rather the heart, and left me with the proverbial Book Hangover. In A Family Affair, a young woman finds, through her father's death, that he has another child and a mistress of 14 years that he has been hiding. Feeling rather betrayed and quite angry, she embarks upon a journey that in every way smells like, looks like, sounds like a mission of folly. She wants to hate her dad, hate the woman and child he loved and hate the whole entire community for condoning their illegitimate relationship. Obviously, she finds them wonderful, warm and is drawn to them with her entire being.
That's all you get. If you want to know more, download it and read it yourself.
Now before I discuss my Reality Crash, I want to put this out there. If my Spokane family or parents ever read this...may I convey, this is how I am feeling TODAY. It may not be how I feel TOMORROW or FOREVER, but today it is where I am at. Don't judge, I am on a journey of figuring out where I fit in my family, new and old and what that whole situation looks like for me. Enough said.
Lately, I have been feeling extremely drawn to me Kansas family. They don't know all my goods and bads and quite frankly they just love me where I am at. I think they find me smart and pretty and loving and energetic and thoughtful and kind. Another thing is, that I don't know all of their junk either. They may get grumpy and testy and grouchy and curt and judgemental too; I just haven't seen it yet.
I do know this. My mom is still pissed at this new development in my life and she is even more pissed that I won't share it with her. HELLO! Every time I say something, I get a snide comment or a rude comment. Why would I want to share ANY of it with you?
Unfortunately, I am also starting to see some things that I didn't before, or at least I didn't want to see before. My dad, who's pedestal has been tall for years now, is showing some cracks. Cynicism, criticism, and rudeness is not pretty on anyone, but certainly not on him. I expect better than that and because I have that damn "outside voice" that comes on out, I have created a bit of conflict/tension in our relationship. I don't let people I love treat me that way, so I tend to call him out on it. I am sure we all see where that goes...
So here I am feeling somewhat guilty about being drawn to my dad and step mom. Should I feel this way? Am I betraying my other set of parents? I just don't know. Is it because of the tension that is always residing just under the surface in those relationships? It could be for sure. All I know right now is that I find my heart aching for the people of the flat lands and southern accents.
