PS-How did you find me?

I remember thinking, after I got the letter, is this really happening to me? Today, two days before my 40th birthday. Shit, I knew it was supposed to be a biggie, but really???? Then the thought occurred to me that this was perfect timing. I had been needing a little "healing", if you will, and perhaps this was the beginning of just that. So that is the perspective I chose. I am still carrying that perspective at this writing.

Catching Up
I did email Steve the next day, from my classroom during downtime....I would compose what I would say, reread it, look at it again, tweak a word. Finally, I just pressed send. From that point, I figured, whatever happened, happened. It was out of my control. Whoa, out of my control. That is crazy.

More than 1 Man
Our first few emails contained mostly logistics. I live and work here; he lives and works there. I grew up here and this way; he works at one place or another. No talk about personal things. I don't mention my children, he doesn't mention his family either. Now anyone who knows me, even a little knows I like to converse. I want to build that relationship, get to know you. See if we are compatible. So it is no surprise that I put myself out there and eventually I write, "I guess a couple of things you might want to know are that I am a special education teacher, I am divorced (4 yrs ago), I have a 13 year old boy and an 11 year old girl...I also have a 39 year old brother, a 36 year old brother and a 33 year old sister." Let me just lay out my life for you in a sentence or less. That's me.

Floodgates open...apparently I have 3 aunts and uncles through my father all in differiing cities, and 2 aunts and an uncle through my stepmother. By the way...they all know about me and have met me when I was little!

Ok...I was just thinking one person, a man, who fathered me. Yeah, good job Mel being egocentric. The man moved on with his life. He's been married to his wife for 37 years-she knows me- and oh yes, you also have a 35 year old half sister and a 33 year old half brother. And another niece and 3 nephews and another on the way. Soooooooo....a whole family AND they've always known about me. I just never knew about them. That was a baseball bat to my mirror of thinking and I may be still digesting all of what that entails.

Birthday Letters
You hear of those stories where the father finds a child because he is dying or because he needs penance or whatever. This man wants to relationship with me. Learn about who I am, where I came from and where I am going. In one of his very first emails he mentions that he has written me every year on my birthday, but never knew where to send them. Who does that? A man who wishes he would have made other decisions concerning a daughter, that is who.

Several correspondences later-at this point I am watching my email like a hawk-to see if Steve writes me or has any more to say to me. I was half afraid there may be nothing left to say. Might just fizzle, but no, there is always more to say to someone you've been waiting your whole life to know about. I ask the question that is itching at the back of my brain in a post script...

"PS-How did you fine me?"

Here is where the world becomes a grain of sand. Steve did not know my parent's last name. In a conversation with his mother before she passed away he mentioned that fact and his mother pipes up that she knows it. I am thinking, "Are you kidding me?????" This is never a conversation they had together? Good Lord. The important fact is that she did know it, she told it to him and his search began. On the internet. There he found my parents. Looking at the relatives, a Melinda Gray (ME!) came up. From there all it took was a white listings search, he found my information with Mike's and there ya be. Apparently, when you know a name, finding someone can be easier than you think. Almost 40 years not knowing a name. Get the name, get that world wide web and get hooked up.